Thursday, 7 July 2016

The Hillary Supporter Translation Guide

Welcome to the `Hillary Supporter Translation Guide', a page for people who're confused by the vacant ramblings of dangerously uninformed Hillary Clinton supporters. If you've had the misfortune of encountering a Hillbot, you've probably heard them utter one of the phrases below. This page offers a clear and authoritative translation of `Hillspeak'.

What Hillary Supporters Say What Hillary Supporters Mean
“She would be the first woman President.” “I see gender as a qualification.”
“Vote blue no matter who.” “I would vote for George W. Bush if he wore a blue tie.”
“Hillary is very qualified.” “Hillary has been on CNN more than the other guy.”
“She has plans.” “I have no idea what plans she has.”
“Hillary has been endorsed by lots of prominent people.” “I revere authority and like being told what to think.”
“Bernie is a socialist.” “I’m in the wrong party.”
“She’s better than Trump.” “Don’t look at Hillary. Just focus on Trump. He’s bad.”
“It’s her turn.” “I think the United States is a monarchy.”
“If you don’t vote for Hillary, you’re helping Trump.” “Maybe I can shame you into voting the way I want with some fallacious reasoning.”
“Do the math.” “I haven’t done the math.”
“That’s just how the system works.” “I have no fight left in me because I’m dead inside.”
“It’s all Republican lies.” “I don’t need to dispute the things you say. Blue team good. Red team bad. Ooga booga!”
“Hillary has already won because CNN said so." “I don't know how the super delegate system works because I'm a tool.”
“I don't care about the things you say Hillary has done.” “I forgot how to be a Progressive.”
“You won't vote for her? Then say hello to President Trump." “I'm preparing for defeat, and I'm preparing to blame you for it.”
“Bernie just wants to give you free stuff.” “I would sooner vote against my own interests than look at how other countries have made Bernie's policies work.”
“She will continue Obama's work." “I like the status quo. Change? No we can't!”
“I don't care about the emails.” “I don't care about transparency or accountability.”
“She's inspirational and a role model.” “She's female."
“Hillary has experience and knows her way around politics.” “I don't know what corruption is, but I think it has something to do with Karl Rove. He's the devil.”
“She'll release her Wall Street transcripts when the Republicans do.” “I hold Hillary to the standards of Republicans.”
“You're just sexist.” “I'd rather demonize you than argue with you.”
“Stop being divisive” “Vote for my divisive candidate.”

If you'd like help translating other phrases Hillary supporters use, place them in a comment below and I'll see about adding them to the list.

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